1 00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:15,519 -Stop it! Give it! Give it back! -A total mess. 2 00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:17,519 A total mess! OK, when we get there, we need to be really quick. 3 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:18,960 I'm just going to drop you in the playground, OK? 4 00:00:19,039 --> 00:00:21,280 Really, really quickly, no hugs, no kisses, nothing. 5 00:00:21,359 --> 00:00:23,280 Baby on board, arsehole! 6 00:00:29,039 --> 00:00:32,799 Why do we even need them? Why do we need to slow people down? It's ridiculous! 7 00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:40,759 Go on, you're supposed to do it there, that's what they're there for. 8 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:42,759 That's why they plant them. 9 00:00:43,399 --> 00:00:46,439 -Don't do that, don't do that! -Marie! Hi, at last. 10 00:00:46,520 --> 00:00:48,840 Can you... No, my hands-free isn't working. 11 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:50,679 Listen, can you, uh, can you put me on the phone to... 12 00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:52,000 Can you give Andrew a message for me? 13 00:00:52,079 --> 00:00:54,359 Can you just tell him that I'm running a bit late? 14 00:00:54,439 --> 00:00:57,320 I've got to drop the kids off at school. 15 00:00:57,399 --> 00:00:59,320 What? My kids, yeah. 16 00:01:00,119 --> 00:01:02,759 A boy and a girl. Listen, I can't talk now, Marie. 17 00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:03,799 OK, bye. 18 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,599 Give me the Bop It. Give me the Bop It. 19 00:01:10,719 --> 00:01:12,280 Someone's in a hurry, aren't they? 20 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:17,200 What is this? What is this?! 21 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:18,200 What?! 22 00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:25,680 Come on, there's nothing there. 23 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:27,719 There's nothing here, there's no hole, there's no roadworks, 24 00:01:27,799 --> 00:01:29,280 there's no traffic jam, there's nothing here. 25 00:01:29,359 --> 00:01:31,879 Why are you here? Why are you here?! 26 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,239 OK, I'm going to go. I'm going to go. 27 00:01:35,319 --> 00:01:36,239 Go. 28 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:50,959 Can you... I'm sorry! 29 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:52,840 Can you move back? 30 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:55,359 Sorry. I'm so sorry. Can you go back? 31 00:01:55,439 --> 00:01:58,840 Just reverse! Move! Go back! 32 00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:01,560 Just go back! I'm stuck in again! 33 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:12,840 Come on, faster! 34 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:22,199 Come on, quicker! In we go, in we go. 35 00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:24,639 In, in! Which one is it? 36 00:02:24,719 --> 00:02:25,680 Here. 37 00:02:28,319 --> 00:02:30,319 All right, which is your classroom? I know it's not that one. 38 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:33,120 Hello? Hello. 39 00:02:33,199 --> 00:02:36,120 Hello, Ivy. Hello, James. Sorry, you are? 40 00:02:36,199 --> 00:02:39,120 -I'm Julia, I'm their mum. -Oh, of course. 41 00:02:39,199 --> 00:02:42,120 -Have you got an appointment? -No. I was just here to... 42 00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:47,120 Did you forget it was half-term? 43 00:02:49,599 --> 00:02:50,840 No. 44 00:02:50,919 --> 00:02:53,120 Children are in their school uniforms. 45 00:02:53,199 --> 00:02:56,080 Yeah. That's because they're going to a... 46 00:02:56,840 --> 00:03:00,479 back to school disco/children theme party. 47 00:03:02,199 --> 00:03:04,120 Are you here to see Mrs Lawson? 48 00:03:04,199 --> 00:03:06,439 -Who? -The headmistress. 49 00:03:07,199 --> 00:03:10,400 Yes. Yes, that's why I'm here, that's what I'd like to do. 50 00:03:10,479 --> 00:03:11,800 OK. OK. 51 00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:18,000 Ivy didn't mention anything about being bullied. 52 00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:20,280 It's classic victim behaviour. 53 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:21,919 Who's doing this? 54 00:03:25,199 --> 00:03:28,120 -Leo Martin. -Leo Martin?! 55 00:03:29,759 --> 00:03:32,439 -But you know he's five? -Yes. 56 00:03:33,639 --> 00:03:38,120 Yes, my understanding is that he is an evil... 57 00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:41,120 child prodigy type. 58 00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:44,120 Let me speak to Leo's teacher. 59 00:03:44,199 --> 00:03:45,960 -Please do. -Janet. 60 00:03:46,599 --> 00:03:48,919 Oh, Leo's teacher, you are Leo's teacher. 61 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:52,719 -Listen to this. Leo Martin. -Leo? Has something happened to him? 62 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:55,319 No, no, he's been bullying little Ivy. 63 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:56,719 Bullying? 64 00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:58,719 What kind of bullying? 65 00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:01,400 Mind... games. 66 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:05,120 Overtly condescending, tapping into her insecurities, 67 00:04:05,199 --> 00:04:07,919 I think he said some things about her online. 68 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,319 -So, what's going on now? -I'm calling Leo's mum. 69 00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:16,360 Don't worry, we will get to the bottom of this. 70 00:04:16,439 --> 00:04:17,680 Go for it. 71 00:04:23,639 --> 00:04:26,160 Do you know what? I just, I think... 72 00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:31,439 I should just check the facts with Ivy first, because now I come to think of it, 73 00:04:31,519 --> 00:04:35,879 she can be a little untrustworthy and manipulative herself. 74 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:41,720 Thank you so much for this. 75 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:44,040 It's like a weight off. 76 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:46,680 I already feel so much better about it already. 77 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:49,000 Thank you. Thank you. 78 00:04:51,319 --> 00:04:54,600 Actually, while I'm here, are there any clubs on this half-term? 79 00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:56,439 Chess? Latin? 80 00:04:56,519 --> 00:05:00,000 I just don't like them to switch off. Is there anything happening today? 81 00:05:00,079 --> 00:05:02,360 Like now? Is anything happening right now? 82 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:07,720 OK, kids, forget school, we're not doing school. 83 00:05:10,399 --> 00:05:11,639 Right. 84 00:05:12,319 --> 00:05:13,240 OK. 85 00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:16,680 Two minutes, two minutes, I'll be back. 86 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:27,680 Mum? 87 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:30,680 Mum?! 88 00:05:30,759 --> 00:05:31,879 Oh, my God! 89 00:05:34,079 --> 00:05:38,160 I can see you. I know you're in there, hiding behind the sofa. 90 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:39,720 Mother! 91 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:45,720 -Mother! -Julia, is that you? 92 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:47,240 Yes, it's me. 93 00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:51,720 Were you hiding? 94 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:54,639 No, I was having a lie down. 95 00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:56,959 Behind the sofa? 96 00:05:58,120 --> 00:05:59,360 I had a fall. 97 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,639 Why are you acting like you're 90 years old or something? 98 00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:03,920 Oh, right. 99 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:08,079 I see. Yeah, nice, yeah. They really suit you. 100 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:10,879 So when did you get back from your cruise? 101 00:06:10,959 --> 00:06:12,399 -Yesterday. -Oh, that's funny. 102 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:15,000 Because Paul saw you in Waitrose on Saturday. 103 00:06:15,079 --> 00:06:16,920 I must still be on Caribbean time. 104 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:18,839 You're here now, that's the main thing. I'll go and get the kids. 105 00:06:19,319 --> 00:06:20,920 -Julia. Julia! -What? 106 00:06:21,519 --> 00:06:22,839 -We talked about this. -Talked about what? 107 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:25,160 I'm not doing it any more, I can't. 108 00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:28,759 I love them to bits, but I can't look after them any more. 109 00:06:30,439 --> 00:06:32,360 Sorry, I thought that's what the holiday was for, 110 00:06:32,439 --> 00:06:34,279 -I thought... -No. No. 111 00:06:35,079 --> 00:06:37,560 In fact, the holiday made me even more certain. 112 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:39,839 After my lung collapsed... 113 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:41,560 -It didn't collapse! -My lung did collapse! 114 00:06:41,639 --> 00:06:45,079 OK, I'm not having this argument again. If you're really serious about this, 115 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:48,879 how about we think about starting that in the new year, 116 00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:53,000 and we can work out a way of getting you some free time. 117 00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:56,519 -No, Julia, from now. -OK. What about next month... 118 00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:59,720 No, now, Julia. Starting from now. 119 00:07:04,839 --> 00:07:05,759 OK. 120 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:11,160 -I'm sorry. -No... 121 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:14,079 I haven't got time for sorry. Unless it's "Sorry, I've changed my mind." 122 00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:15,839 -Is it "Sorry, I've changed my mind"? -No. 123 00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:17,720 Right! Haven't got time for sorry. 124 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:21,600 No, no. Haven't got time for that. 125 00:07:30,519 --> 00:07:32,839 You know, it was your idea to have grandchildren, Mother! 126 00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:39,120 What about Jelenka? 127 00:07:39,199 --> 00:07:41,680 She's a cleaner, she's not a baby-sitter! 128 00:07:41,759 --> 00:07:43,920 Anyway, I really don't trust Jelenka. 129 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,199 I'm almost certain it was her that ate my Easter egg that time. 130 00:07:46,279 --> 00:07:49,480 -Why don't we have a nanny again? -What? No, I've told you... 131 00:07:50,439 --> 00:07:53,639 I really want the children to be brought up the way I was. 132 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:55,680 -By my mother. -What can I get you? 133 00:07:55,759 --> 00:07:57,839 Look, I've got to go. Let's talk more later. 134 00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:01,720 What am I going to do for the rest of the week? I work too, you know. 135 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:04,480 Oh, God. There's this Peter Mandelson thing on Thursday. 136 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:08,959 Yeah, I know, and listen, whatever you decide, I am right behind you. 137 00:08:09,439 --> 00:08:11,079 -Bye. -Paul! 138 00:08:12,199 --> 00:08:14,319 Paul! Paul! 139 00:08:14,399 --> 00:08:16,399 Oh, you go ahead, I haven't decided yet. 140 00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:19,560 Thanks. I'll have a Matcha please, and a... 141 00:08:24,759 --> 00:08:28,120 Charlie, drop it. You're not getting an iPad. 142 00:08:28,199 --> 00:08:31,680 Santa doesn't do them, the elves don't have the technology. 143 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:35,919 I wonder if Amanda knows about the situation up at Toasty's. 144 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:39,440 Situation at Toasty's? What situation at Toasty's? 145 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:43,240 Another breast-feeding incident. They asked Deirdre to cover up. 146 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:46,360 I tell you, Liz, if it was men doing the feeding, 147 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:49,039 there'd be blokes all over this cafe with their breasts out. 148 00:08:49,679 --> 00:08:50,720 Yeah. 149 00:08:50,799 --> 00:08:52,679 I'm just going to see if Amanda heard about it. 150 00:08:52,759 --> 00:08:54,679 -Don't! -What? 151 00:08:54,759 --> 00:08:57,320 -It's not going to happen, Kevin. -What's not? 152 00:08:57,399 --> 00:09:00,320 We're not getting on the big table, they don't want us there. 153 00:09:00,399 --> 00:09:02,320 You're going to have to accept it. 154 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:04,679 I'm just going to have a word. 155 00:09:07,559 --> 00:09:11,840 "Oh, hi, Amanda, just wondering if you heard about the war on tits at Toasty's?" 156 00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:15,440 "Oh, sorry, Kevin, my friends and I were hoping you'd died." 157 00:09:15,519 --> 00:09:18,679 "OK, great, I'll send round an e-mail to discuss an appropriate response." 158 00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:22,039 "Do whatever you like, my computer shits all your e-mails to a spam folder." 159 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:25,240 -"OK then, bye." -"Bye. Go away forever." 160 00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:39,679 -I'm going to send round an e-mail. -Yeah. 161 00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:49,679 No, no, Duncan, today's out, okay? Just forget about today. 162 00:09:49,759 --> 00:09:51,320 I'm minding my kids. 163 00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:55,279 Boy and a girl. Five and nine. 164 00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:56,559 Look, Duncan, 165 00:09:56,639 --> 00:10:00,279 I don't need to be there to watch Elaine print out a press release. 166 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,080 I'll definitely be there on Thursday. 167 00:10:02,159 --> 00:10:04,080 I'm working on it, OK? 168 00:10:17,639 --> 00:10:19,200 -We can go swimming. -Yes. 169 00:10:19,279 --> 00:10:21,559 -That'd be OK. -And Miguel is watching yours and mine. 170 00:10:21,639 --> 00:10:24,080 -And we're getting the mani-pedi... -Guys. Guys. 171 00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:27,679 Go play with those kids over there. 172 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,720 No, the other ones! The other ones. 173 00:10:35,039 --> 00:10:37,679 Yeah, I'd love to see it. 174 00:10:37,759 --> 00:10:39,679 -Bit long. Bit long. -It was. 175 00:10:39,759 --> 00:10:42,679 -Because you do lose concentration... -I do, I do. 176 00:10:42,759 --> 00:10:45,000 And Friday, you and I could do yoga... 177 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:48,840 Aw, they're getting on really well, aren't they? 178 00:10:48,919 --> 00:10:50,840 Sweet. 179 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:53,919 It's Julia, isn't it? 180 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:56,519 That's right. And you're... 181 00:10:59,759 --> 00:11:02,480 -Could you just say your name? -Amanda. 182 00:11:02,559 --> 00:11:04,480 That's right. 183 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:08,320 -How do we know each other? -Our kids are in the same class. 184 00:11:08,399 --> 00:11:11,320 Yes! Yes, yes, that's right, because... 185 00:11:11,399 --> 00:11:13,679 Ivy's always talking about... 186 00:11:13,759 --> 00:11:15,679 Your... 187 00:11:16,639 --> 00:11:18,679 -Manus. -Manus! Yeah. 188 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:22,799 Have a seat. Budge up, Anne. 189 00:11:25,279 --> 00:11:28,679 So, where's your mum this morning? She still on her holiday? 190 00:11:28,759 --> 00:11:32,519 No, no, she's back all right. 191 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:36,000 I just thought I'd give her a break, so I took the day off. 192 00:11:37,559 --> 00:11:40,519 You work so hard. 193 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:43,679 I really admire how you can just switch off your family 194 00:11:43,759 --> 00:11:47,440 and focus on your job, because... this is my personal thing... 195 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,960 I would just hate myself too much. 196 00:11:52,759 --> 00:11:55,519 Yeah, I, I hate myself too much... 197 00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:59,320 -No, but I think I'd really hate myself. -But I have to... 198 00:12:00,759 --> 00:12:03,600 I just love my kids too much. 199 00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:06,240 Yeah, I love my kids too much, too, but I... 200 00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:08,240 I'd die for my kids. 201 00:12:11,759 --> 00:12:14,600 Yeah... I'd die for my kids. 202 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,320 If I had to, if I had... no choice. 203 00:12:20,759 --> 00:12:23,639 -Melissa's sitting there, sorry. -Oh, absolutely. 204 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:27,679 So, Amanda, I'll pop a few ideas in an e-mail, 205 00:12:27,759 --> 00:12:30,039 what to do about the Toasty's situation. 206 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:34,159 -OK, Kevin. -Great. Let me know your thoughts. 207 00:12:34,759 --> 00:12:36,399 You all have my phone number, don't you? 208 00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:39,919 Well, I did put it in my last e-mail, so everyone should have it. 209 00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:44,039 Did everyone get my last e-mail? 210 00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:48,080 -It had the subject heading, 'Urgent'. -Tell Melissa we said hi. 211 00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:53,279 -Slut. -Kevin? 212 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:55,399 -No, Liz. -Oh, right. 213 00:12:56,039 --> 00:12:59,480 Oh, sorry, everyone, I've got a flat on Airbnb, 214 00:12:59,559 --> 00:13:01,840 and the idiots have locked themselves out. 215 00:13:01,919 --> 00:13:04,840 Manus, Georgie. 216 00:13:05,279 --> 00:13:06,320 Anne? 217 00:13:06,399 --> 00:13:09,519 Is there any chance you could take Manus and Georgie back to yours 218 00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:12,200 -while I sort this out? -Oh, God, I'm sorry. 219 00:13:12,279 --> 00:13:14,679 Chris is at home from work, playing a computer game with swearing in it, 220 00:13:14,759 --> 00:13:17,679 -so we're staying out the house. -I'll take them. 221 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:21,399 -I could take them. -You would? 222 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:24,559 Are you sure? 223 00:13:24,639 --> 00:13:26,159 Yeah! Yeah, totally sure. 224 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,679 You go, go and do your thing, it's no problem. 225 00:13:28,759 --> 00:13:30,679 I can take them, it's fine. 226 00:13:30,759 --> 00:13:32,879 That's what we do, isn't it, us mums? 227 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:35,080 Scratch each other's backs, so I could take... 228 00:13:35,159 --> 00:13:39,320 I could take them today, and you could, say, have mine on Thursday, for example. 229 00:13:40,559 --> 00:13:43,000 Well... thank you. 230 00:13:43,759 --> 00:13:45,679 I'll give you my address. Anne, write it down. 231 00:13:45,759 --> 00:13:48,679 I'm having some mums and kids over later for spag bol. 232 00:13:48,759 --> 00:13:50,639 You and your lot are included. 233 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:52,399 So, do you want to bring them back for that later? 234 00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:54,360 -Say, six? -Six?! 235 00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:56,679 OK, OK. 236 00:13:56,759 --> 00:13:58,440 -Or four? -No. Six. 237 00:13:58,519 --> 00:13:59,720 Six it is. 238 00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:05,320 This is very kind of you, Julia. 239 00:14:05,399 --> 00:14:08,200 -I'll get you back another time. -Yeah, say, Thursday? 240 00:14:08,679 --> 00:14:09,919 Thursday? 241 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:15,399 I just said I haven't got any money. 242 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,399 Yeah, I will be there, Andrew, I will. 243 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:20,080 I just have some childcare issues today, so... 244 00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:22,279 A boy and a girl. 245 00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,480 Jesus! Five and nine! Who cares? 246 00:14:26,759 --> 00:14:27,679 Andrew? 247 00:14:36,159 --> 00:14:38,679 Manus, can I have a crisp? I didn't have any breakfast. 248 00:14:38,759 --> 00:14:40,120 No! 249 00:14:40,519 --> 00:14:43,120 -Can I just have one crisp? -Stupid horse. 250 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:45,679 Just sit on it. Just sit on it! Rock it. 251 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,080 Stick two pennies together. 252 00:14:49,159 --> 00:14:50,200 What? 253 00:14:50,279 --> 00:14:53,000 If you stick two one-pences together, it thinks it's a pound. 254 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:56,320 Thanks. 255 00:15:02,759 --> 00:15:03,919 Thanks. 256 00:15:07,759 --> 00:15:08,960 You all right? 257 00:15:10,039 --> 00:15:12,600 Yeah, I'm just not really used to being with my kids like this. 258 00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:14,399 Now there's all these other ones. 259 00:15:14,759 --> 00:15:17,679 The one with the plait's just been really mean to me. 260 00:15:18,759 --> 00:15:22,120 Look, I live just over there. Do you want to come and have a cup of tea? 261 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:29,200 I'll just wait for the horse to finish, cos I just want to get my money's worth. 262 00:15:29,279 --> 00:15:30,399 Sure. 263 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:41,639 Here we are. Downton Abbey. 264 00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:46,120 Tea? 265 00:15:46,759 --> 00:15:48,679 Yeah. You haven't got any herbal, have you? 266 00:15:48,759 --> 00:15:52,279 Fennel, ginger, jasmine or mint? 267 00:15:52,879 --> 00:15:54,840 I'll have a mint, please. 268 00:15:54,919 --> 00:15:56,679 I'm joking, I don't have any herbal tea. 269 00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:59,720 Yorkshire. I've got tea from Yorkshire, how's that? 270 00:15:59,799 --> 00:16:02,080 -Yeah, OK. -Hey, guys... 271 00:16:06,639 --> 00:16:07,679 No milk. 272 00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:12,240 -So, what about you? Do you work? -Yes, I organise corporate events. 273 00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:13,879 On Thursday, 274 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:18,200 I've got Peter Mandelson presenting the Women In Construction Awards. 275 00:16:18,279 --> 00:16:20,679 Was it Mandelson who was on I'm A celebrity? 276 00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:23,159 No. 277 00:16:23,759 --> 00:16:25,679 Don't know who you're thinking of there. 278 00:16:25,759 --> 00:16:28,639 Wish I could restart my career by eating worms. 279 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:33,039 Paul Burrell. That's who it was. 280 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:38,279 Should they be doing that? Is that not... 281 00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:39,879 No, it's fine. 282 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:41,600 That's why I put the mattress there. 283 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:45,879 -Do you work? -I was at Citizens Advice, 284 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:50,360 but one of my calls got recorded for training purposes, so that was that. 285 00:16:54,159 --> 00:16:56,679 -What time is it now? -Just past midday. 286 00:16:56,759 --> 00:16:58,679 Fucking hell! 287 00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:02,399 Are you going to this spag bol thing? 288 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,319 Nah, none of that lot like me. 289 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:07,480 I'm single, so they're afraid I'm going to steal one of their fat husbands away. 290 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:10,559 I'm going to make a pizza for the kids. 291 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,680 Charlie gets a bit punchy if he hasn't eaten. 292 00:17:12,759 --> 00:17:15,039 All right, let's get these lunatics rounded up. 293 00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:20,240 Excuse me, we are not animals. 294 00:17:20,319 --> 00:17:22,240 Use a magazine, please. 295 00:17:23,319 --> 00:17:25,279 Actually, Liz, I will have something. 296 00:17:25,359 --> 00:17:28,920 I didn't have any breakfast and I forgot to eat at the cafe. 297 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,640 Oh, shit, sorry, there's no more pizza. 298 00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:35,680 -Cheese sandwich? -If it's not a hassle. I am starving. 299 00:17:38,759 --> 00:17:41,680 -You can freeze cheese? -You can freeze anything. 300 00:17:44,599 --> 00:17:46,279 -Do you want a hand with that? -No, it's fine. 301 00:17:46,359 --> 00:17:51,000 I just need to hack into it to carve out some slices. 302 00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:55,200 -Oh, shit. -What? 303 00:17:55,279 --> 00:17:58,160 Can you call a cab? I think I need to go to AandE. 304 00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:00,440 -What? Why? -Cut my finger off. 305 00:18:00,519 --> 00:18:02,319 You cut your finger off? 306 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,400 Don't, don't! Just keep it together. 307 00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:08,119 -Your finger is off! -Focus. 308 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:09,680 Just focus! 309 00:18:09,759 --> 00:18:11,480 An ambulance, yes? 310 00:18:11,559 --> 00:18:13,160 An ambulance. You need an ambulance. 311 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,599 -Just call a cab. -OK. 312 00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:18,200 Neil's Taxis... 313 00:18:18,279 --> 00:18:20,039 0207... 314 00:18:20,119 --> 00:18:21,480 ...9. 315 00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:23,920 Hi, I need a taxi. 316 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:26,480 -What's your address? -29 Minell Street. 317 00:18:26,559 --> 00:18:28,359 29 Minell Street. 318 00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,960 They said it's £50 if you bleed on the seat again. 319 00:18:33,039 --> 00:18:34,559 -That's fine. -That's fine. 320 00:18:35,559 --> 00:18:36,599 OK. 321 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,079 -Oh, will you be OK? -Yeah, I think so. 322 00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:47,960 -I'll try and get back as quick as I can. -Great, just out as quick as you can. 323 00:18:48,039 --> 00:18:49,079 -Yeah. -Yeah. 324 00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:50,839 Any idea how long these things take? 325 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:53,599 Liz? Any idea how long these things take? 326 00:18:57,039 --> 00:19:00,039 Hi, Liz. I was just phoning to see how you are, 327 00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:03,279 and I was just wondering what to do with your kids. 328 00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:06,000 I have to go to this spag bol thing. 329 00:19:06,079 --> 00:19:11,680 I am so hungry and all your food is frozen. 330 00:19:11,759 --> 00:19:15,680 No pressure, but it is half-five now. 331 00:19:15,759 --> 00:19:19,359 OK, see if you could just give me a call. Bye. 332 00:19:25,079 --> 00:19:26,200 I've got it! 333 00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:29,880 Keith! 334 00:19:30,279 --> 00:19:32,920 Keith! Keith! 335 00:19:33,599 --> 00:19:35,640 Keith! Keith! 336 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,359 Ah, Keith! 337 00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:41,000 It's Kevin! 338 00:19:41,079 --> 00:19:42,680 Keith! Keith! 339 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:46,359 -Kevin! -Wait there, wait there! 340 00:19:48,359 --> 00:19:49,960 My God, is she all right? 341 00:19:50,039 --> 00:19:52,680 No, no, she's fine, she just cut off a bit of her finger. 342 00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:54,960 But listen, I have now got... 343 00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:59,160 just a massive amount of children. 344 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:01,680 Could you help me with all these children? 345 00:20:01,759 --> 00:20:04,960 -Oh, yeah, yeah. Of course. -I'm just so hungry, Kevin. 346 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:09,480 Amanda's having a dinner, are you sure? I haven't heard anything about it. 347 00:20:09,559 --> 00:20:12,000 That's just an informal thing. It's just a... 348 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:14,920 It's a spag bol drop-in thing. 349 00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:18,880 What are we waiting for? 350 00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:21,160 Hey, everyone. 351 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:24,440 We're all going for spag bol at Amanda's. 352 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:37,200 Something smells good! 353 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:41,400 Can somebody else keep an ear out for the door? 354 00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:46,000 That's not the point, the point is they're being picky 355 00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:48,599 because they know they can be. Yeah. 356 00:20:49,079 --> 00:20:51,920 Well, we just have to play the same game that they're playing. Aren't we? 357 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:53,480 What are you doing?! 358 00:20:54,559 --> 00:20:57,480 Down there! Down there! 359 00:20:59,559 --> 00:21:01,400 Yeah. I don't know. 360 00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,079 Mad woman and a load of kids. 361 00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:08,039 -Something smells good. -Oh, hey! 362 00:21:08,119 --> 00:21:10,839 Aw, Julia, thank you so much. 363 00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:12,640 Oh, they were as good as gold. 364 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:15,240 -Hello. -Kevin's also here. 365 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:20,960 -Yes. -A blackboard wall. 366 00:21:21,599 --> 00:21:23,640 I've always wanted a blackboard wall. 367 00:21:24,519 --> 00:21:26,119 What do you write on it? 368 00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:29,440 Just... what's written on it. 369 00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:33,640 Walnuts. 370 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:36,559 -Yeah. -What are you going to do with walnuts? 371 00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:38,359 I'd love to eat a walnut. 372 00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:42,039 Liz cut her finger off, so Kevin's been helping me with the kids. 373 00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:45,319 -Liz cut her finger off? -Yeah, just the top half. 374 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:49,279 Well... help yourself to wine... 375 00:21:49,359 --> 00:21:52,640 -And we'll probably start serving soon. -Great. 376 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:55,839 I've always wanted a look around your house, Amanda. 377 00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:58,680 There's nothing I like better than going into other people's houses 378 00:21:58,759 --> 00:22:00,680 and having a good old poke around. 379 00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:09,119 Yeah, yeah. 380 00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:11,519 Those two seem to have gotten over the Liz thing. 381 00:22:11,599 --> 00:22:14,240 Passed by Monday. Storm in a teacup. 382 00:22:15,599 --> 00:22:17,960 The Liz thing? What, her finger? 383 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:21,240 Ian gave Liz a lift home a few nights ago. 384 00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:27,640 No, sorry, you lost me. 385 00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:32,000 So, Ian gave Liz a lift home... 386 00:22:32,079 --> 00:22:33,480 You don't know? 387 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:35,640 Liz slept with Melissa's husband. 388 00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:39,079 Fuck! God, really? 389 00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:42,640 I did not know that. 390 00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:46,240 You sure? She doesn't seem like the type who'd be arsed. 391 00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:50,640 Where are the kids? 392 00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:52,119 Gone a bit quiet. 393 00:23:01,839 --> 00:23:03,079 Hello. 394 00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:05,319 Just here to pick up my kids. 395 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,079 Hello, hello. 396 00:23:07,559 --> 00:23:12,160 Liz! No, you should stay, it's turned into a bit of a free-for-all. 397 00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:16,640 So, help yourself to a glass of wine. 398 00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:18,519 Oh, I shouldn't, I'm on painkillers. 399 00:23:18,599 --> 00:23:21,680 Finger... Julia said. How is it? 400 00:23:21,759 --> 00:23:23,920 It's not too bad. Still works. 401 00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:47,640 They're not feeding the adults, Liz! 402 00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:49,640 They're not feeding the adults! 403 00:23:54,799 --> 00:23:56,640 None of these dicks like me. 404 00:23:57,319 --> 00:23:58,359 Dicks! 405 00:23:59,839 --> 00:24:02,359 -I'm sure that's not true. -They hate me. 406 00:24:03,279 --> 00:24:04,519 Dicks! 407 00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:06,359 You know why that is, don't you? 408 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:07,839 -What? -You know. 409 00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:10,119 -No, I don't know, Kevin. What? -Well... 410 00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:14,119 Because you slept with Melissa's husband. 411 00:24:18,519 --> 00:24:21,440 -Is that what they're saying? -Yeah. 412 00:24:23,279 --> 00:24:24,640 That's interesting. 413 00:24:27,079 --> 00:24:30,480 Yeah, so we went to the hospital on Wednesday and they had the results 414 00:24:30,559 --> 00:24:34,839 of the scan, and basically they think it was a small stroke. 415 00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:37,160 -Oh, no. -Oh, no! 416 00:24:41,039 --> 00:24:43,480 Sorry, I heard "small stroke", I don't know who that was, 417 00:24:43,559 --> 00:24:46,640 but that is terrible, whoever that was. 418 00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:47,880 My husband. 419 00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:51,960 Yeah. Must've been a real pain in the arse. 420 00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:54,039 How did that happen? 421 00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:57,839 He was playing a computer game, 422 00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:01,880 and I noticed his arm just dropped down the side of the sofa, 423 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:05,640 and when I went to take his hand, it just... 424 00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:09,559 it felt like... a little dead bird. 425 00:25:24,559 --> 00:25:27,000 Oh, there's some more. I'll just put that in the bin. 426 00:25:32,079 --> 00:25:33,279 Julia! 427 00:25:34,839 --> 00:25:36,279 What are you doing? 428 00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:39,480 Oh, I was just... 429 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:42,640 I was just picking up the leftovers. 430 00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:45,640 If you were hungry, you could've just asked. 431 00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:47,640 You're making me feel like a bad hostess. 432 00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:50,480 -Oh, I'm sorry. -Do you want me to cook you something? 433 00:25:50,559 --> 00:25:53,640 I can't bear to see you eat out of the bin like a homeless person. 434 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:56,640 No, no, I wasn't eating out of the bin, it's just I... 435 00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:58,000 I was just, you know, 436 00:25:58,079 --> 00:26:00,440 I just thought there would be food here for the adults. 437 00:26:01,039 --> 00:26:02,640 Oh, God. 438 00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:06,640 Well, Julia, I've been dealing with something, 439 00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:09,640 and I'm sorry I didn't have time to lay on a banquet. 440 00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:10,880 No, I didn't mean... 441 00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:12,519 Do you want me to cook you an omelette? 442 00:26:12,599 --> 00:26:14,119 -Honestly, I'm fine... -No! 443 00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:17,599 I insist. I can't have my guests eating out of the rubbish. 444 00:26:18,079 --> 00:26:20,119 Does anyone else want food? 445 00:26:20,599 --> 00:26:23,119 Anyone? I'm making Julia an omelette. 446 00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:25,240 Anyone? 447 00:26:26,079 --> 00:26:28,400 I'll have an omelette, actually, Amanda. 448 00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:32,119 Saves me defrosting some eggs when I get home. 449 00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:35,640 And while I get the chance, Melissa, I should say I feel bad. 450 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:38,839 I feel bad. I should've cleared the air and apologised 451 00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:43,400 for taking your fat husband's virginity 20 years ago. 452 00:26:45,079 --> 00:26:46,680 And while I'm at it, Anne, 453 00:26:47,079 --> 00:26:49,480 can you RSVP to Charlie's birthday party, 454 00:26:49,559 --> 00:26:51,319 because he really wants Darius there, 455 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:54,599 and it'll break his fucking heart if his best friend doesn't make it. 456 00:26:55,079 --> 00:26:56,359 -Yeah. -Thank you. 457 00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:05,119 -What's going on? -Amanda's making us an omelette. 458 00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:06,720 Yes, please! 459 00:27:10,759 --> 00:27:13,559 Wow, you must give me the recipe for that omelette. 460 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:16,480 Eggs. 461 00:27:16,559 --> 00:27:18,720 Yeah. Keep it simple. 462 00:27:19,599 --> 00:27:24,240 So, shall we firm up Thursday... 463 00:27:24,319 --> 00:27:25,799 Thursday's not going to work for me now. 464 00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:27,799 -Lovely to see you all. -Oh, I... 465 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:33,640 Did she just slam the door in my face? 466 00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:39,640 That's a whole network of helpful mums I have no access to any more. 467 00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:43,880 Oh, well. You can't make an omelette without telling a few skinny bitches 468 00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:45,079 to go fuck themselves. 469 00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:48,079 I can have a word with them if you like, that might help. 470 00:27:49,519 --> 00:27:52,079 Oh, screw them. We don't need them. 471 00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:54,640 We've got our own little gang right here. 472 00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:56,960 Oh, all right, I'll take them Thursday. 473 00:27:57,039 --> 00:27:58,720 Thank... 474 00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:02,640 I really appreciate it. 475 00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:08,519 And Friday, can you do Friday?